it seems I was put into a very light puff pastry kind of a mood (could not post hours ago because of dA unavailabilities).
on second thoughts this poem is too scrappy. but then i got threatened with minusing keratin. so i heeded, aye.
im sorry i thought w(i)e couldve been happy. im sorry i was so wrong.
im trying to find a frequency for my heart, trying to sift through the static with sticky fingers
trying to decide, you know?
sitting on the edge dipping my toes in boiling hot water, daring myself to plunge. daring myself to submerge in my own melting skin. dropping lumps of cleanliness down to bare flesh and band-aid bloody bones
with little etchings of alone
"just keep dreaming"
i am wondering what it is like to let go.
wondering when it really is enough. wondering why i let myself strip down the stabilities too late,
only when i release they are only nooses and chains and guilts that i should not let honour my own self-determined death sentence.
what am i doing really?
im letting myself get swallowed up by my own self-sabotage.
disguising it as other people doesnt change the fact that choice still exists.
why doesnt repetition ever work for me?
("i always give myself very good advice, but i very seldom follow it")