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i'd like to seduce happiness
buy a new dress for contentedness
slut it up for ecstasy

pull down the sheets on frivolity
melt down the wax around sacrifice
excuse myself for rushing


i'd like to choreograph prayer
the build-up to the artifice
stop smiles from touching

begin the wake before the dawn
the black before the white; a pair
disbanded before a circle shared
one half realising, "i'm just another pawn."
This was a five minute prompt from ~LoveShotEyes that we were both unaware of at the time. But she liked this, and said I should post it, so here it is, in all its ugly rhyming glory.

Seducing happiness is completely her invention. Sometimes typographical errors make for lovely babbles.

:heart:

This will probably be scrapped shortly.
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:iconpersistanceofmemory:
persistanceofmemory Featured By Owner Dec 22, 2007
See I read this in a rush a month ago (almost to the day) and was like, I am in the middle of essays and this needs more proper reviewage as it is pretty damn awesome.
And here I am now and I am thinking, wow this is pretty damn awesome.
I just wish I had more to say.
It is so different of you. Which I love bytheway. The ending is chilling to our previously mentioned desires, what we wouldn't give to be able to achieve the first five lines!

Beautiful darling.
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:icontwelvestep:
TwelveStep Featured By Owner Nov 30, 2007
This makes me smile. It's adorable.
Reply
:iconmesmeric-revelation:
mesmeric-revelation Featured By Owner Nov 24, 2007
WHY MUST YOU THINK BEAUTIFULS NEED SCRAPPED????


*grabs away milkshake*
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:iconfllnthblnk:
fllnthblnk Featured By Owner Nov 22, 2007  Hobbyist Writer
Whoa... I loved the last stanza. Very strong ending!
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:iconsaturnineguise:
saturnineguise Featured By Owner Nov 22, 2007
Wow, thank you so much! :D
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:iconloveshoteyes:
LoveShotEyes Featured By Owner Nov 22, 2007  Student Writer
See, I'm not the only one who thinks it's a good poem.

You should get back to writing, woman. Where's that kipper of mine?
Reply
:iconsaturnineguise:
saturnineguise Featured By Owner Nov 22, 2007
I'll show you your kipper!

(thank you darling :heart:)
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:iconloveshoteyes:
LoveShotEyes Featured By Owner Nov 22, 2007  Student Writer
You don't need to. I've already seen it :giggle:
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:iconalecbell:
AlecBell Featured By Owner Nov 22, 2007
A lovely poem.

Such a pity happiness rejects or efforts at seduction, the worst and the best.

If you're going to throw your poor little poem out, I'm willing to give it a good home!

It can stay in my favourites
Reply
:iconsaturnineguise:
saturnineguise Featured By Owner Nov 22, 2007
heheh i think it likes it in your favourites, toasty warm :heart:
Reply
:icontheromantiquedead:
theromantiquedead Featured By Owner Nov 21, 2007
well, now i'm happy. :D
no, i don't think you should scrap it. dear, you say this about many of your poetries and, really, from my point of view there's no need in doing that; however, since it is your own work, you're free to be your own first critic and say this isn't the best you can do and put it in scraps. but i think the concept is truly amazing and thought-provoking - and what if it's not your invention? you handled it superbly, did it justice, so i think you can be proud of it - proud of taking on such a concept and trying to get something out of it. if you still aren't satisfied with what you've done, you can always come back and polish it, but, please, this doesn't deserve to be put in scraps if you'd ask me; the ideas are just too good, and now leaving aside the 'seducing happiness', -all- the ideas, your ideas, are just great. i loved the 'stop smiles from touching' part. but, true, i'm not supposed to tell you what you to do, you should do what you feel like doing. i was just expressing my opinion. :) hopefully you'll reconsider scrapping this. oh, and lastly, i fell in love with the first three lines. and the title. love the title.
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:iconsaturnineguise:
saturnineguise Featured By Owner Nov 22, 2007
darling, that was one beautiful babble :D

your point of view is both valid and lovely, i would not be offended by what you say.

and i won't be scrapping this piece (:

i think i quite love the title too, i picked a few and asked ~LoveShotEyes to pick the one she liked best.
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:iconkittytsukasa:
kittytsukasa Featured By Owner Nov 21, 2007  Student
But I love it. It reminds me of a chocolate orange. You love the flavor, but having too much makes one sick of it, and still, once you turn down the next piece, you realize how much you crave it.
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:iconsaturnineguise:
saturnineguise Featured By Owner Nov 22, 2007
hehe you just described my writing as a packet of jaffas, that's grand :D
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:iconkittytsukasa:
kittytsukasa Featured By Owner Nov 1, 2008  Student
Why, you're welcome. (;8
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:iconpatrilususnaturae:
PatriLususNaturae Featured By Owner Nov 21, 2007
absolutely lovely babbles.
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:iconsaturnineguise:
saturnineguise Featured By Owner Nov 22, 2007
hehe thank you (:
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:iconpatrilususnaturae:
PatriLususNaturae Featured By Owner Nov 23, 2007
More babbles?
more pictures?
more everything?
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:iconloveyoutoo:
Loveyoutoo Featured By Owner Nov 21, 2007
The concept of this is just amazing and very well executed.

Ugly rhyming?I think not.

:+fav:
Reply
:iconsaturnineguise:
saturnineguise Featured By Owner Nov 22, 2007
Thank you so much darling :milk: :cookie:
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:iconfictionalsoul:
FictionalSoul Featured By Owner Nov 21, 2007  Student General Artist
I really like the concept, and I don't think it should be scrapped :heart:

I'd like to "seduce happiness" too, then maybe I'd see more of it. ._.
Reply
:iconsaturnineguise:
saturnineguise Featured By Owner Nov 22, 2007
hehe I think we'd all like to slut it up for ecstasy, if we were guaranteed no diseases. ;p
Reply
:iconfictionalsoul:
FictionalSoul Featured By Owner Nov 22, 2007  Student General Artist
I bet! :lmao:
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:iconsaturnineguise:
saturnineguise Featured By Owner Nov 22, 2007
:giggle:
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