[x]

-truth-will you meet me in the spaces
between our fingers

become tiny
atom-like

indivisible, but one

(and all the smaller pieces
that don't matter)

trade electrons

become
heavier
elements

----

a hollow note
crawls up
my throat

when you
depart

----

twenty minutes to dawn
(i know this because we've been here before)
in this moment, and this thing of arms and arms entwined, called embrace
this moment on soft notsosoft ground sheets

this look

it's the same
and in this moment

this moment is again

----

and your voices
singing as the past
ricocheting off
ceilings and walls
that do not house me
anymore, i hear you
strum af

batteries unincludedyou are an hour
sixty minutes of sixty tickings

in this hour is every word
youve ever said

i have an old wrist watch my father gave me
i say old, because five years is a long time when it is a quart of your life.

i use it to count you.

staring at the straight lines and reflecting the tubed light into a dancing circle on the wall
a spotlight for an ant
i imagine a woven straw hat and cane

and dancing,

there was always dancing wasnt there?
there was, but it was never us that were dancing. its just a configuration.

you know, of talk.

something we forgot all about.
perhaps.

perhaps.

perha

you in your mouthi am curious about you
of course, i'd like
to know how many sugars
if any, i think i'd like
to know how well

done. but i'm not sure
of course, if i should be
curious (or otherwise)

if it is indecent
of me to speculate

ponder how much milk
wonder what textures
you favour
in your
mouth

maybe i should wait
for the situation
to present itself

rather than spend
these days thinking
about
it

i love the way i say ithow come perfection could be the smile of apology you made when you were always late

how come perfection could be
                                  could be
                                        would be
                                               cant be
                                                          was?
was.
                                                          wasnt.
                                                          was it?

   ricocheting back
          and forth
  velocity isnt lost each time
       the bounce has changed
   direction

to build-up smilesi'd like to seduce happiness
buy a new dress for contentedness
slut it up for ecstasy

pull down the sheets on frivolity
melt down the wax around sacrifice
excuse myself for rushing

i'd like to choreograph prayer
the build-up to the artifice
stop smiles from touching

begin the wake before the dawn
the black before the white; a pair
disbanded before a circle shared
one half realising, "i'm just another pawn."

whichever waydon't you forget that yesterday used to be a tomorrow.

love is like birdi think im getting a bit too fidgety
staring silence onto walls again
looking through people,
through crowds
ignoring flickers of recognition like goldfish picking at flakes
from heaven,
or my fingertips

im walking with an aim of nothing
i shudder at the words im supposed to be saying
like its supposed to supposed to

and i could eat my apathy with ribbons
splattering sugar on the cement
[i didnt buy them]

i collect--much too many a thing
i collect people
in my head

short films of them

it doesnt matter that reality lies to me with
black and white shades of grey turning everything into a big mess of purple
when i like you

b

it isnt really an island, butthis skin i'm in
it isn't me so much
as my toes
are my feet

my fingers are my hands
my eyes my face;
shoulders, knees
floor

and it isn't me
so much, when i smile
or cry, or fall apart
down splitting sides

it isn't me so much
these lips (that speak
for me) and i rarely invade
the privacy of my heart

but then i get lost, in
all the things that are
supposed to be (me, but
aren't), in who they are

and why (no matter
how hoarse i make her throat
with screaming after her)
she doesn't come when i call

I have I’s in the back of my hedonism.

When I finish there will be a river
Translucent and cascading

“I know

just likehe said,

"

you taste kind of nice
ill give you a try.

"

i said,

"

its been too long
i know ive forgotten.

"

he said,

"

its just like riding a bike

"

i said,

"

i always used to crash

"

act i into(beauty)

obscured into a blur
i become fluid with the silent
motion of the lines

my eyes are a continuing moment
along the spectrum of heard
seen tasted felt

(smelt)

--

this is the wonder of is

--

i miss the genesis
the before the flood

--

the fluid motion
of calling home the birds
with a scattering of seeds

--

the tips of your hair
dapple bright ecstasies
on your reflection

they drip the terror
from your throat
floating downstream

--

a tracing of your skin
under my skin print

injects memory into my fingers
and solidifies in silence

--

it was raining when-
it was raining when-
it was raining when you held you

is this how it is to fly?the sleepy storm of your aeroplane fingers
hurricaning gentle rushes along the tips of my ear flesh--
no, i did not say stop

as a child in your arms, I wish for more wishes

too few are the moments we glide beneath our eye sheets
tucking our tears into slippery sleep
when does wait turn into savour?

jester flowers dance jangly yellow beneath my feet and i feel
the gentle grumble of the wind's distaste through my ear pipes
along my jaw; my straining neck

a furore of bent elbows and outstretched arms tasting cloud whispers
on my cheeks, on my lips, and my hair no longer obeys the law
of gravity

is this how it is to fly? arms wicked

Spiderling"Next!"
Shuffle, up, shuffle.
"Three teal, seven harlequin, ten spotted mauve… one spiderling."
"Gimme your ration card!"
"I… I… I… I… here…"
Mumble mutterings, "three teal, seven… spotted mauve. There ain't no spiderlings on this here card!" Eyes ablaze and as meat.
"Please, for my… back, the pain."
Slam down hard.
"Everyone gets their fair share. Nothing more. Always less. Nothing more. Next!"
Twenty coloured pills danced down his fingertips and I quickly picked them up as they bounced once, twice. Never let them more that thrice. Or pop! All over the counter. And no more. Always less.
The ration dispenser flicked my card at me. I

When no one is around youLook, I'm going to start saying your name like a swear word, okay? I'm going to muster all my little kiddedness and scream it like I can offend someone, see.
I'm just going to say it at inopportune moments, and clasp both of my hands over my mouth when I say it in front of the wrong people.
I'm not going to say it like a magic word anymore, I'm not going to say it like it invokes enough happiness in a papercup that I can swallow down and easily discard of the carrier. Crush.
Well then. I'm just lying arent I?

I'm not going to say your name at all anymore; I leave it up to the screams.

fragmentary assassinsa moment strangulates itself
on a whim i let fall daisies
out of my mouth
chaining to become the crowns
of every I O U
the wall is the floor
my head is an ocean is a
lens cap is a migratory
formation i am jugular
i am heavy lidded i
am two minutes away from
this is a becoming this
is an undoing this is an
always was
and you are every last piece
of the puzzle found
swollen with rain so it never
fits again

say cheeseHow can you manufacture emotion?

You can't.

Such a bold statement. Look capital letter. Punctuation.

Must be true.

[i smile everyday for you, it kills me, every day, just a little bit more of me, falls to the floor, and i step on it]

Browse More Like This

Download File
HTML, 949 bytes more ▶

More from ~saturnineguise

The Lowest PointThey lick like flames over a fallen herald. Splintered feet pulling up from under the dirty mess of leaves as hair, shuddering to rest whilst children boom in laughter, far away. Perhaps hiding just beyond the horizon. I can't tell.
Downward lapping, but you cannot see any tongues, or mouths. The children laugh so hard their tears of mirth are strong with the gravity of wisdom. Knowledge. But what is it they know? They're only children after all.
But in their sporadic bouts of anger, messengers as these are swiftly unearthed. Oxygen no more. Shouting out the land's dirty breath.
The rain resonates in my ears, gifting my cheeks with tears s

'nightHe jingles the padlock closed and turns left. I'm left with my thoughts, turning right. 'But to what' I muse. This street used to be alive, a pulsing quadrant in my youth; at night it's far too quiet. A straggle of the drunken topsy-turve their way down the stretch of footpath across the street. If you look like you're looking down you can shoot gazes sporadically from your eyes without much fear of detection.
I get to staring. Brothers in drink. Boisterous. Nothing much more than children, even if for shirt and tie. Truth is you can never trust anyone; especially for how they dress. Detected. I pierce the cement with my gaze and inject som

Dream weaverim dreaming of scythes again
just like all of the nightmares i had as a child
used to:is when we're all used up

ive taken to holding the wrong things sacred
turning scarred eyes away from the truths
i just never wanted to face

so it comes again in quiet times
when there is no one around to run to
in my very own dreamlands

to those darker parts of my mind
that i tend to want to hide in
the light and attention i fawn on them

heres hoping i can befriend my demons
the little monsters lurking in my mind
beside my heart inside my soul

maybe strike a lucky deal with them
offer up some complications of myself
so they can feed as i ri

reflecting shadowsbut the external--the real?

See through the jagged slits between the staples.

I am a commodity of love.

but if the external realities become self-aware?
it doesnt concern you to ask such questions.

the crack and whip of self esteem dwindling
behind thickened cream
inside your mouth
between the folds rippling down your legs

i'll never share my soul with anyone again
[i dont know where its floated to...]

im lying again
you have it
and you'll never let it go.

its the price of spilled milk

split spilt spit leaning across the edge a long line of just about to hit and suck it all back up

I am your destruction
as you look in the mir

as you didclouded by dark liquid in tall glasses
i see your features distort
in parodies of emotion
as you pulse your head
from side to side
like a buoy

come wet your fingers in my eyes
as you said--
as you did

come wet your fingers in my eyes
i promise not to ask so much

this time

inflection underwater
but it isnt water
drowning in your words
i asphyxiate myself on the way you say your t's
your s's
my name

come wet your fingers in my eyes

it doesnt burn
it doesnt burn so hot

perhaps

yet

gazing into reflections of their world
with the click splat of dropped coin
dappling you
into as many variations
as choice may bring

the so

View Gallery

Featured in Groups:

Not currently featured in any groups.

Details

Submitted: March 14, 2009
File Size: 949 bytes

Thumb

Statistics

Comments: 19
Favourites: 21 [who?]
Views: 471 (0 today)
Downloads: 5 (0 today)

[x]

when you wish you had-n't-

by ~saturnineguise, Mar 14, 2009, 8:39:16 PM
Literature / Poetry / General Poetry / Free Verse

stringing your eyes with garlands of stars i
wish to impeach you, maybe impregnate you
with a will to breathe
(in
deep)

but what are you but an incoming breath
to me? an unapologetic zephyr gracing
my inner vineyards

ruffling the leaves with whispers

(i understand it
isn't so collapsible, and
i'm forgetting i forget
you)

but when the winds turn
you're a harlot, ruining this year's
yield of self
(importance and confidence)

and i'm understandably drinking
up
down
the vinegar left

trying to breathe in the lights
i gift you with - always

and i have only the stars
to thank,
the stars to blame.

when you wish you had-n't-by ~saturnineguise

Literature / Poetry / General Poetry / Free Verse

©2009-2013 ~saturnineguise

title: 'when you wish you had(n't)'

it's been a long time, hello

~chhill Dec 20, 2009 Hobbyist Writer

Beautiful. Simply beautiful.

Reply

~persistanceofmemory Aug 13, 2009

this is beautiful. i forgot how much i enjoyed reading your writing.

Reply

~pardonM3 Jun 5, 2009

but what are you but an incoming breath
to me? an unapologetic zephyr gracing
my inner vineyards

ruffling the leaves with whispers

Howdy. Hope you'll sit down and stay awhile.

Reply

~justhideous May 16, 2009

wont be mentioned again when its forgotten.

Reply

~tigereverskin Mar 25, 2009

_{you make me smile.}

Reply

~theklauz Mar 21, 2009 Student Writer

Missed you to bits.
It's nice to see such beauty again. Please don't stop.

Reply

~Sugar-On-Asphalt Mar 21, 2009 Writer

Love this piece. It is powerful and beautiful and gentle and makes my heart beat hard in funny rhythms. Lovelovelove the last stanza. It made by breath catch and that has to be a good things.

Certain bits get so trapped in the imagery they are a bit ambiguous or hard to untangle and I had to reread them to make sense of them, but really a beautiful piece. Nice work.

Reply

~LoveShotEyes Mar 18, 2009 Student Writer

You'll never lose your talent. Always so beautiful.

I miss you. I miss you painfully.
xo

Reply

!moondrunk Mar 18, 2009 Writer

man, i haven't seen your writing in many moons

Reply

~That-Hippie-Kid Mar 17, 2009

_{absolutelyfuckingexcellent.}

Reply

Previous
1
2
Next